The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
