We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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