Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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