You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
