I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just puked most of my soul out..
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
