He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
