i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
time to smoke my breakfast
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My bed smells like the plague
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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