I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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