Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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