it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
