He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
