Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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