Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
