Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I believe in your delicious
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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