he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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