Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
