I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
