Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
