Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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