another moral hangover. fuck.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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