he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize