Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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