david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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