i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
