So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
