White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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