Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Everyone says I win the strip club
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
