all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
