We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
so much tequila, so little girl.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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