Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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