I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Dignity is for republicans.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
