mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
