When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
