Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
