I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I am midnight drunk by noon
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
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