It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
