i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
