Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Randomize
