Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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