Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
