the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
