I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
