I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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