Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
