I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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