I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
