What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
