I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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