I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
