we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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