i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
you made out with another girl for some wings
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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