I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
