This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
