there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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