I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
