she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
