He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
