You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
