Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
