somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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