You smell like a Billy Joel song
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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