The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
