I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
whose parrot is this?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
