Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just tell him i said nine months
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
