new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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