just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
