I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
