and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
