My hand turned me down
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
